


make a plan to love me

by Anonymous



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: 2tae are dumb highscoolers, Angst, Coming of Age, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Idiots in Love, M/M, Not Beta Read
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-17
Updated: 2019-06-17
Packaged: 2020-03-29 23:14:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19029916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Under the sunlight, hiding on a corn maze, something changes between Taeil and Taeyong as they find out that growing up is inevitable.





	make a plan to love me

**Author's Note:**

> hello there, 2taeists! this is my first time writing 2tae, i'm sorry in advance. i wrote 3 different taeil centric pieces for 3 different ships for taeil's birthday and as someone who is taeil and taeyong biased, i think it took me too long to write them something. this piece was supposed to be up last saturday but my phone with all my notes on how to end this died and i had to re-write almost everything... it also gave me less time to re-read and revise what i wrote, so i'm sorry for any mistakes or typos you might find while reading.
> 
> this fic might hurt a little but it has a cute happy ending, i promise. i would never give taeil an unhappy ending on his birthday week, 2tae are idiot teenagers in love here and i love them. also! technically i started writing this fic thinking about the corn mazes in pennsylvania and i did some reading about them and the region and the weather but it's not very accurate and i'm sorry for that. 
> 
> 'make a plan to love me' is a lovely song by bright eyes and [this is where the original prompt came from](https://auideas.tumblr.com/day/2016/10/21/) but i changed it because my mind wanders a lot. 
> 
> comments and kudos are always appreciated, tell me what you think! i really really hope you guys enjoy this fic. <3 
> 
> i'm [@bloominggays](http://twitter.com/bloominggays) on twitter, let's be friends. :)

> But now it's gettin' late  
>  And the moon is climbin' high  
>  I want to celebrate  
>  See it shinin' in your eyes

         Harvest Moon - Neil Young

 

It has always been like this, since before Taeil could even remember. Taeyong was always there beside him, always where he could see. Except, probably, for their classes and for bed time. They went to school together and they went back home together. One year older than Taeyong, Taeil helped him with his homework after school and then they would do something else together: play video games, watch an old movie, play with Taeyong’s dogs or lie under the warm sunlight, talking about everything there was to talk about.

Taeil’s parents owned a tourist farm with a huge, beautiful corn maze that was its main attraction. Taeyong’s parents, on the other hand, had a small family farm where they grew corn and rice and raised honeybees. Their families had been friends since forever, their parents’ parents were friends and then their parents grew up together and studied on the same school and that’s how they all ended up like a big family. On most weekends, both families would have dinner together and stay up watching movies until late at night.

There was this one summer, when Taeil was 12 years old and Taeyong was 11, that they all traveled together to Miami. By the fourth day of the trip, Taeil got a sunstroke and Taeyong decided to spend all his time by his best friend’s side, taking care of him even though his parents were there to do it themselves. When asked why he chose to stay inside with Taeil instead of going out with his mom and dad and enjoying the beach and the nice weather, Taeyong said that summer didn’t make sense without Taeil.

This pacific life was everything they ever knew and it was good. Living in the countryside was nice, growing up together was nice, being around each other all the time was nice. Right now, with Taeil on his graduation year, the weight of growing up hanged above their heads but they avoided talking about it. Life would still be nice for almost a whole year, there was still time to figure things out. They could grow up after summer was over.

  


“I’m bored.” Taeyong complained. He was lying on the floor of Taeil’s room, watching the ceiling fan rotating non-stop. The weather was hot and dry and he felt like he was inside an oven, the stupid fan made little to no difference in making their surroundings more comfortable. The open window on the right side of the bed was their last hope but it seemed like the wind had forgotten about them -- not even a soft breeze, nothing.

“So am I,” Taeil complained back, lying on his own bed, staring at the ceiling just like Taeyong. “But you spoke first. So you tell me what we should do.”

The younger frowned and whined, like he always did. Taeil used to say Taeyong was bilingual; he spoke english and Ty-tongue. Ty-tongue was the name Taeil gave to his friend’s mannerisms. He made small noises (whining, snorting, sometimes mumbling and even something close to meowing) all the time, unconsciously, and to understand him completely you had to understand what every noise he made meant. Taeil, of course, was fluent in Ty-tongue.

“Let’s dig a hole and build a pool with our own hands,” Taeyong suggested ironically, getting more and more annoyed at how uncomfortably hot his own skin felt.

“Ha! I bet we would be done just in time for my graduation.”

“You shall not mention the G word, hyung.”

The reminder made Taeil feel guilty. They had agreed to ignore his graduation until the school year started and they couldn’t ignore their iminent separation anymore. He promised Taeyong things wouldn’t change between them, he promised they would always be best friends and that no graduation and no college could ever change that, but what he didn’t tell him was how much he was afraid of change. But someone had to be strong for both of them, right? Taeyong would be the one left behind, he had every right to be upset.

“I’m sorry, I forgot about our agreement,” the elder said on a tiny voice, lips pouting and heart weighing in his chest.

From the bedroom floor, Taeyong shrugged. “Just don’t do it again, not until it’s time.”

“Okay, okay. Now tell me, what are we going to do now? I’m just as bored as you.”

“I know you’re tired of it, but maybe we could go to the maze?” He felt Taeil getting ready to complain. “I mean, at least the the air feels cooler in there. Plus it has been years.”

“Of course it has been years, we’re not children anymore and we know the path by heart.”

“Oh,” Taeyong scoffed. “So you’re a grown up now?”

Taeil rolled his eyes, feeling defeated. He hoped this was just a phase and his graduation wouldn’t be used against him as a weapon for the entirety of his last year in high school. They definitely should talk about this. Not now, though, but soon.

“No, I’m not. You win,” he heard Taeyong’s ‘yaaaaaayyyyy’ and smiled. “I think my parents might have changed a thing or two over there since the last time we were at the maze anyways.”

 

The boys left the room reluctantly, not really anticipating the walk to the maze under the bright hot sunlight. Outside the house, the scenario was beautiful even for those used to see it every single day. Hills could be seen from distance, most of them covered by wheat soon to be harvested, shining yellow as if it was made of pure gold. There was this small barn a short walk away from them and, right behind it, the maze imposed itself like it was a living thing. The wind made the stems swing left and right, as though the maze was dancing to a silent song of summer and peacefulness. Both Taeil and Taeyong closed their eyes unconsciously and inhaled deeply when a cool breeze hit them, enjoying the slight relief it brought.

“So it is windy outside, your house is just cursed and we were fated to stew insde your room.” Taeyong concluded, eyes still closed, way more comfortable now than he was less than a minute before.

“Oh well, maybe we needed an incentive to go outside.”

“Not melting on your bedroom floor is enough incentive to me.”

They walked towards the big green walls and stopped by the maze’s entrance, contemplating it for a while. The last time the two of them stood there and got into those walls they were 4 years younger and high school was a brand new chapter in their lives; now this chapter was coming close to an end. Not much had changed since then but this was the last summer Taeil and Taeyong would be able to spend together like this.

Taeil wished he could put those thoughts behind him at least for his remaining weeks of vacation, he was actually trying very hard to do that when he felt Taeyong’s warm, kinda sweaty hand taking his by surprise. Taeil looked left, eyes searching for Taeyong’s. The taller boy stared back with a tranquil expression, smiling so softly it was almost imperceptible.

“You’re thinking way too loud, have you realized that?” Taeyong raised an eyebrow but his tone was sweet.

“I’m sorry,” was all Taeil could say. Taeyong’s smile grew wider.

“Don’t be. Summer isn’t over yet.”

With that, Taeil let himself be guided by his best friend. They walked in silence for some time, still hand in hand. The air inside the maze was definitely cooler and Taeil liked the sound of leaves rustling as the wind crossed the walls around them. He realized that his parents had actually made some changes there because he no longer knew the way out. Either that or his memory failed him and he didn’t remember the path as well as he thought he did.

Taeyong sighed dramatically, trying his best to sound annoyed even though Taeil knew he wasn’t. “I can still hear your thoughts. You think too much.”

“What do you mean? One of us has to do all the thinking.” They laughed in unison at Taeil’s response.

“I do some thinking, for your information. But you wouldn’t want to know what goes on in my mind.”

Taeil elbowed Taeyong jokingly, smug smile on his face. “You talk as if I didn’t know. I know you better than anyone else.”

“You do, but you don’t know _everything_.”

Despite how Taeyong sounded like he was kidding, his words stuck with Taeil. He was right after all, the latter really did think too much.

 

After walking for what seemed like a long time and infinite dead ends, they reached another one. Tired of walking and too lazy to keep going, Taeil sat on the floor.

“What now?” Taeyong asked, looking behind him to find Taeil sitting with his legs crossed.

“I’m tired, let’s sit down for a while,” Taeil answered looking up to the other boy, signaling the empty space beside him, an innocent look in his eyes. He almost looked like a child, Taeyong thought, and it made the younger’s heart cave in a little.

“I’m still bored,” Taeil heard his friend complain while sitting by his left side.

“But you’re not overheating like my old Sega Genesis anymore, this is an upgrade.”

“Not thanks to you though, but yeah. If I’m gonna do nothing, I would rather do nothing in a place that doesn’t feel like a an extension of hell.”

Taeil laughed at Taeyong’s over dramatic antics but he was glad they left his room. Something about the maze made him nostalgic, as if they were time traveling. This place held many childhood memories; never ending afternoons that they spent lying on that very same floor talking about things they would never discuss with anyone else while the sun danced in the sky. Sometimes the boys would go home only when the moon was up, none of them afraid of the dark because they already knew the way and, more important than that, they were together.

Silence fell between Taeil and Taeyong once again and now the latter also seemed to be lost in his own thoughts. It wasn’t always silent like this but they didn’t have to talk all the time to be around each other -- being alone together was nice too. It meant that none of them ever got to feel lonely.

“Now you’re the one doing all the thinking.” Taeil was the first one to speak, a fillet of curiosity in his voice. Taeyong blinked slowly and smiled before responding.

“I want to ask you something.”

The brunette frowned, confusion growing inside him. “And you need to ask for permission since when?”

Taeyong retracted himself at the question, cheeks reddening, making Taeil get even more confused.

“It’s not a simple question” he tried to sound confident but his stuttered at the end.

“Just say it already. You look like you’re going to combust, is everything alright?”

Taeil did look worried and confused, but much to his friend’s relief, he didn’t sound annoyed. “Promise you won’t judge me,” Taeyong pleaded very seriously.

“Of course I won’t, I watch E.T with you every weekend and I have never judged you for crying every time.”

Since his best friend looked really troubled, Taeil did his best to sound relaxed and reassuring, even if he was a bit afraid of whatever Taeyong had to say. He watched as the younger took a deep breath. Then another one and another one until he was ready to talk.

“So,” Taeyong began before breathing soundly one more time. “Have you ever kissed someone, hyung?”

Taeil laughed, clearly relieved. “ _This_ was the thing you wanted to talk about?”

“Shut up, I’m not finished,” the blond wanted to punch Taeil for laughing. “Answer my question.”

“No, not yet, and you know that. Why are you even asking?”

The sun was making its way down the firmament and the golden lighting made Taeil feel like he was inside a scene of a coming of age movie. Why did Taeyong ask him about that? Why now?

“Because-- because I want to try something and you’re the only person I trust to do that.”

Just like a puppy, Taeil tilted his head to the side, sending a confused look to Taeyong. He was opening his mouth to say something when the other started talking again, avoiding eye contact completely by staring at the ground.

“As you know, I have never kissed anyone either. And I don’t know much about these things, but I do know that it’s something I want to do with someone I trust, at least for the first time. So it won’t be a bad memory, you know.” Taeyong explained, shrinking himself in his own body as much as he could, looking way smaller than Taeil. He did not dare look at the elder, too afraid do it only to see a look of disgust on his face.

Taeil heard the words coming out of Taeyong’s mouth with an open heart, a tingling sensation he couldn’t quite explain traveling under his skin. It was an easy request, after all. And to let his best friend in the whole world be the first person to kiss him didn’t sound like a bad idea. Lost in thoughts, it probably took him more than he intended to give a proper answer, leading Taeyong to a whole new level of panic.

“Please, say something,” the younger was close to begging, his big round eyes shining with a mix of desperation and hope in them. Maybe he really kept some things only to himself, Taeil thought.

“Okay,” Taeil simply complied.

“Okay what?”

“Uh, okay, let’s do this. I don’t wanna go to college not knowing how to kiss someone anyway.”

The explanation sent a cold sting into Taeyong’s heart and he ignored it so well his best friend probably didn’t even notice any sign of discomfort in him. “Yeah, exactly,” was all he managed to say.

The funny part about this was that neither Taeyong or Taeil knew what to do. They should have, probably being part of the small population in their school that hasn’t had their first kiss yet and didn’t spend at least part of their day gushing over a significant other. Both had their fair share of distant crushes, and it’s not like they were ugly or really unpopular, it’s just that, although it all seemed fun, sticking together in their own little bubble seemed more fun. _These things will come with time_ was the explanation the boys often gave themselves. Maybe the time was now.

 

Taeyong moved from where he was on Taeil’s left and positioned himself in front of him, legs crossed, heart thundering against his chest. The orange light was responsible for making Taeil’s skin shine differently, in a way Taeyong never had seen before even after all those years. It was indescribably pretty, like a living, breathing piece of art. Taeyong was afraid to tarnish it -- not only that beautiful scene painted in front of him but everything they had built until now. Sure, the brunette had agreed just because he wanted to know how it feels to kiss someone, but for Taeyong it was a bit deeper than that, wasn’t it? There was no denying now, not anymore. But his best friend looked at him with fondness in his eyes, like nothing could ever go wrong between them and it gave him the final push he needed.

“Don’t move,” Taeyong whispered, closing his eye and leaning to his front. And then they were kissing. Taeil’s eyes fluttered shut as he felt the younger’s mouth against his. At first, they didn’t really know what to do and it all felt too weird. Taeil moved back just a tiny bit, breaking the awkward kiss for a millisecond and then diving in for another one, more determined now. His hands moved to the other’s waist as he moved his lips and Taeyong tried to follow clumsily, feeling too overwhelmed to do anything else.

“What are you afraid of?” Taeil asked carefully against his best friend’s mouth.

“I don’t know,” was the answer he got, coming from someone that didn’t look like the Taeyong he knew. This new found fragility was strange but in a good way. Trying to make him relax, Taeil traced a way of small, delicate kisses down Taeyong’s cheekbones to his neck, hands still on his waist, pulling him closer, trying to reassure him everything was okay. A shiver went down Taeyong’s spine and he moaned unwillingly when he felt Taeil kissing his shoulder; his whole body loosened under the unprecedented touch, showing Taeil he was getting it all right so far.

Face to face once again, Taeyong knew he had to do something, so he kissed Taeil like he had seen before in a lot of his favorite movies -- less careful, more mouth and some tongue, lips moving in a rather sinful way, shifting the atmosphere between them completely.

Taeil responded biting Taeyong’s lower lip, hands going under his shirt, traveling slowly up his back, caressing the skin there that he was so used to see yet never thought would feel so good under his fingertips. Taeyong moaned softly one more time, against Taeil’s mouth now and the elder was glad to swallow it. The blond placed his hands around Taeil’s neck, pulling his hair and helping a not-so-shy boner make an appearance. And that was when reality hit him.

Taeil pushed Taeyong away quick but carefully. There was a part of him complaining about the distance between them, telling him to stop being such a coward and kiss Taeyong again, to enjoy this moment, to listen to the happy hum his heart was making. Unfortunately, the thought of getting a boner out of kissing his best friend was too loud, as if some forbidden line between them had been crossed.

The sudden move took Taeyong by surprise, his cheeks were hot and red and his vision was still hazy but he knew what was going on in Taeil’s mind the exact moment he looked at him. And the fact that he knew this was going to happen didn’t make the heartbreak hurt any less.

Confusion all over his expression, Taeil mumbled an almost inaudible “I’m sorry” and left, running like he had forgotten about who he was leaving behind him, all alone on a dead end of the corn maze that had witnessed their lifelong friendship bloom all over the years.

 

Taeil ran like his life depended on that. He didn’t know the way out of the maze and he considered giving up on trying to find it, settling for another dead end far from Taeyong. The fear of the latter running into him while heading out made him keep walking, corner after corner, dead end after dead end, until he finally found it.

Each step Taeil took made his heart feel heavier and his head feel dizzier. He entered his home and went straight to his room, ignoring his mother’s attempts of talking to him. With the door closed, he lied with his back against the floor, just like Taeyong did a couple of hours ago.

Taeyong, his best friend, whom he had left behind, completely alone on a corn maze, specifically after telling him that everything was going to be fine. Taeyong, whom had been with him through all his life, giving him never ending love and support and making sure he never knew what loneliness felt like. Sweet, kind Taeyong, whom had asked Taeil to be the first person to kiss him because he didn’t want to be kissed by a random stranger, at least not for his first time. And Taeil ruined it, maybe Taeyong should have waited to kiss a random stranger on the first opportunity he got, since his so-called best friend couldn’t keep the stupid promise he had made.

However, thinking about Taeyong kissing someone else annoyed Taeil on such an embarrassing way. He had never thought about that before but now, now his brain kept showing him images of Taeyong kissing faceless people, strangers making him shiver and moan just like Taeil had done and oh, he hated it so much it brought tears to his eyes. So he cried.

 

Taeyong knew something like this was bound to happen, he had known it since he made that decision last night. That voice inside his head that kept telling him that he should at least try was quiet now, buried under all the pain, confusion and disappointment he felt.

Pain because being left behind hurt, confusion because Taeil showed he was enjoying what was happening between them until he wasn’t anymore and left without saying a thing, disappointment because he never thought that Taeil, _his Taeil_ , of all people would do this to him. It wasn’t that he expected to be liked back, he didn’t, but he never thought his best friend would kiss him like that and just leave.

True and genuine heartbreak was something Taeyong had never experienced before. He cried watching romantic movies and was fascinated about the idea of being in love, but this desperate feeling inside his chest, taking all over his body and stealing the air from his lungs was too much. Just a couple of minutes ago the hot weather was bothering Taeyong but now, he thought, he had never felt this cold.

Feeling lonely for the first time in his life, Taeyong cried thinking about how the best thing he had in his life was now probably ruined. He thought Taeil probably hated him and it hurt but he didn’t like Taeil that much either, at least not right now. This was how he found out that liking and loving someone were two different things. Taeyong hated Taeil for leaving him there but only because he fucking loved Taeil so much.

When the blond boy pieced himself together enough for him to be able to get up and leave, the moon was already coming out of the curtains made of clouds, lighting up his way out and keeping him company.

 

Much to his parents surprise, Taeil skipped dinner. He would rather stay on his bedroom floor listening to the same Jeff Buckley album on repeat. His Walkman was probably tired of playing and replaying the same songs over and over but Taeil wasn’t tired of listening. He had always loved that album but now, for the first time, he felt desperate and sad enough to rely on those songs to feel  some comfort instead of listening to them solely because they were beautiful as he did all the other days before this one.

Everytime Jeff sang those iconic lines from Lover You Should’ve Come Over, Taeil let out a small sob and he didn’t know why the phrase ‘maybe I’m too young to keep good love from going wrong’ hurt him so much if he wasn’t even in love. Because he wasn’t, he couldn’t be. How does one fall in love without realizing it? Of course Taeil wasn’t in love. He probably was only afraid.

 

Taeyong wanted to avoid his parents and go straight to his room but his mother was on her way back home from a nearby farm and he ran into her as he entered their propriety. For the look of concern on her face, he probably looked like he was hit by a truck. She didn’t say a thing until they got home, though.

“Taeyong,” his mother called just when he thought he would be able to escape to his room without explaining himself. He stopped but didn’t turn around to face her, tears already threatening to fall once again. “What happened, son?”

To hear his mother’s voice full of worry somehow  soothed the pain Taeyong felt, just a tiny bit, just because it was good to know that he wasn’t alone. “It’s Taeil, mom.”

And before he could say anything else, his mother had her arms wrapped around him. It was a rather weird hug, his back against his chest, but it was enough to make Taeyong let out the tears he was trying so hard to hold back. He turned around and hugged his mother back, completely out of breath and ruining her shirt with all his tears. “I like him,” the boy confessed and a sad hiccup left his mouth.

“I know,” she said softly, running her fingers through her son’s hair. “I’ve known for a while, baby. It’s going to be okay.”

 

The look of pure disappointment and pain on Taeyong’s face was all Taeil could think about. The scene repeated itself in his mind countless times, the younger’s confused expression after Taeil broke their kiss changing into one of heartbreak as the latter mumbled his stupid ‘I’m sorry, got up and left.

Heartbreak. Taeil had never thought much about this word and the feeling it refers to, he never had to, but now it was glued on his thoughts. So many people in the world and he had to hurt the most important of all of them.

 _What are you so afraid of?_ Taeil asked himself. He thought about their kiss once again, replaying it like a movie inside his head. Taeyong’s soft lips, Taeyong’s warm skin, how Taeyong somehow tasted sweet but not too sweet, the sounds Taeyong made as he was touched here and there -- sounds Taeil never thought he’d hear from him, let alone cause him to make them. Taeyong, closed eyes and open heart, letting Taeil in once again, farther than he’d ever been. Brave, brave Taeyong, never afraid of vulnerability.

Unlike him, Taeil was too afraid. Afraid of hurting himself, afraid of change, afraid of vulnerability, afraid of being seen. And that was the reason why this couldn’t be love; love, Taeil believed, was for the brave. Therefore, it wasn’t for him.

 

After crying in his mother's arms, Taeyong was thinking more clearly and the hole inside his chest didn’t hurt that much. His heart was broken, yes, but he didn’t feel it inside his bones and under his skin nor it burned where Taeil had touched and kissed, not anymore.

The boy was sitting by the kitchen table, watching his mother make them some chamomile tea; the sweet, calming scent helped put his mind at ease and he thanked the heavens for his mom. If she had just let him lock himself inside his room, he would be there all alone crying until he fell asleep, overthinking every moment of that afternoon (and of his whole friendship with Taeil as well). Mother does know best.

“How did you find out?” Taeyong asked his mother, both hands around the tea cup over the table. She smiled at him like she knew all the secrets to the Universe.

“I _am_ your mother. And I’ve seen this happen before, baby. It brought us where we are today.”

Of course, Taeyong had forgotten about how his and Taeil’s parents have always been part of the same group of friends, growing up together just like he and Taeil did.

“But what if this is not going anywhere? What if he doesn’t like me back?”

Tears were already crawling to his eyes again but he fought them back, it was easier now that he had someone there for him. Taeyong’s mother’s presence warmed up his heart and helped his body relax, this was his home, after all. After his question, his mother remained contemplative for a few seconds, as if reminiscing something. Taeyong was legitimately curious to hear what she had to say.

“Oh no, baby” the woman spoke sweetly after a short while. “I am inclined to believe he does like you back.” Taeyong furrowed his brows and tilted his head slightly to his left side, silently asking her what was she talking about. “Listen to your mother, Taeyong. I watched as you boys grew up. I probably knew you were in love with him before you did, bubu. And Taeil is different, you know that, don’t you? It’s hard to make him _say_ things, he would rather do things in order to show how he feels,” she continued and Taeyong agreed with her now, still curious to know where she was going with that train of thought. “Maybe you’re gonna have to be patient. I don’t know what happened between you two today and you don’t need to tell me either, that’s yours to keep… but he will realize sooner or later, we can only hope the realization comes sooner. I want my favorite boys to be happy.”

Taeyong didn’t know much about love. He loved to watch romantic comedies, he spent quite some time wondering how it felt to be in love with someone, if it was that intense or if people were just exaggerating. After struggling to breathe out of both happiness and heartbreak  in a matter of seconds and watching his body get completely out of control, manifesting feelings he barely knew he had inside him, he understood it was, in fact, that much of a big deal. But if someone _knew_ something about love, that person was his mother. Her words brought him some peace of mind, kissing all his wounds with such care that only a mother has.

After hugging her mom tightly once again and thanking her, Taeyong said he needed to sleep and left, locking himself inside his room with only his thoughts to keep him company.

“Who’s doing all the thinking now?” The boy said out loud, remembering the conversation he and Taeil had earlier. Lying in bed in complete silence, the boy hoped Taeil was thinking about him too.

 

There was this one time two years ago when Taeyong dyed his hair pink, it didn’t last long, but he looked ethereal and Taeil thought about kissing him so many times but never told anyone about it. He also did a good job hiding this from himself but now he was recalling all the times he thought about Taeyong in ways one probably shouldn’t think about a best friend. Like the time they went camping with their parents, high school had just begun for him, and they shared a small tent but the weather at night was so cold they had to sleep very close in order to keep each other warm, cuddling and holding each other so, so tightly and Taeil couldn’t sleep thinking about what would happen if he turned around to face Taeyong since they were so unbelievably close. He never turned around and did what he could to avoid thinking about that night ever again.

One day, sophomore Taeyong decided he had a crush on Yuta, a guy from his class. Yuta played soccer, was part of the drama club and had amazing grades; aside from that, he was also very handsome and sweet to everyone around him. Taeil never had anything against Yuta, why would he? But that was until Taeyong started talking about the guy like he was the only boy to ever exist. It bothered Taeil so much, he kept saying Taeyong was too good for Yuta but when Taeyong asked why Yuta wasn’t good, he didn’t even know how to answer because, in fact, Yuta was a great dude. “He’s just not for you,” Taeil used to say. When confronted with the question of who exactly was good enough for Taeyong, Taeil always changed the subject. Back then, the elder told himself he was just being overprotective and doing what he could to be a nice big brother.

Taeil concluded that not only he was a coward, but he was also very dumb. Dense would be the right word to describe him, really. And he hated it, he hated it so much. He hated that it took him so long to realize, he hated that he had to hurt Taeyong in the process, he hated that he was so good at hiding things from himself. What did he even gain from that? Ah yes, his first heartbreak.

Jeff Buckley was still singing about loneliness and pain when Taeil understood just what he had to do. The moon was high in the sky, accompanied by millions of stars, telling Taeil he wasn’t alone. It was his turn to be brave.

 

Taeyong fell asleep thinking about the next morning, wondering if Taeil would be at his door in time for breakfast like he always was, like he always did every summer vacation they had, since before they couldn’t remember. The idea of opening the door to no one at 8 a.m was quite painful, just like the idea of things between them never being the same anymore. Taeyong was a lucky boy with a stable family and never knew abrupt changes in his life, he didn’t think he was capable of dealing with the possibility of such a major shift in his reality. He never thought much about religion but,  before falling completely asleep, the young boy prayed that things would stay the same between him and his best friend. Even if it meant having to swallow his feelings until they were gone.

 

A loud bang woke Taeyong way before than he had planned to. Something outside had hit his window and the fact that it didn’t break none of the glass panes was rather weird. Still half asleep, the boy opened the blinds to look for whatever it was that woke him up. He was expecting anything but what he found when he looked outside the window. Taeyong blinked and rubbed his eyes almost desperately, trying to make sure he was awake and not dreaming about any of it.

What Taeyong saw was his best friend, Taeil, standing still under one of the few lamp posts placed around the house, weak smile on his face and wearing only one of his lucky red Converses. The other one, probably what he threw at the window, was not too far from its owner, laying stupidly on the grass. It would be a lie if Taeyong said his heart wasn’t jumping around at the sight. Maybe things weren’t as ruined as he thought they were.

Taeil tried to look calm despite how crazy he felt. He waved at Taeyong while the latter just stared at him from his bedroom and his eyes sure were big but Taeil had never seen them as big as they looked now, completely wide in both shock and amusement. With only his left Converse on and doing the best he could to just smile, he probably looked very pathetic so it wasn’t Taeyong’s fault  the scene looked kinda funny. They could laugh about all of it together later, or at least that’s what Taeil hoped they would do. In half an hour or maybe in a few years.

“What the hell?” the blonde mouthed, afraid to wake his parents up.

“Please, come down,” Taeil mouthed as well and pointed to the floor, Taeyong thought he looked both incredibly cute and incredibly stupid. “I need to talk to you.”

After asking Taeil to wait, Taeyong tried to leave his room as silently as he could but he was surprised by his mother at the corridor, standing by her bedroom door, smiling mischievously at him.

“I told you he liked you back, didn’t I?”

Taeyong giggled like a child before replying. “I guess we’ll find out about that now.”

Whispering, she wished him good luck and sent him off, telling him to hurry up. The young boy went downstairs feeling like his insides were made of jelly, afraid that his legs would fail him because it didn’t seem that he was able to control them. In fact, he had no idea how he got outside.

For Taeil, those short minutes it took Taeyong to leave his room and meet him outside seemed like literal hell. Each second passed by slowly, painfully. What if this was Taeyong’s revenge, after all? To leave Taeil there, waiting for him but never coming out, never allowing the elder to apologize. It wasn’t plausible that the boy would ever do such thing but it was what Taeil thought he deserved after what he’d done. However, it was all gone when he saw his best friend walking out the front door and going towards him, eyes visibly puffy from crying and smiling timidly, gorgeous as ever.

Both boys felt this strong urge to run towards each other and hug until their arms were sore and until none of them could breath, but not everything could be sorted out with hugs and smiles as they were not children anymore. Things had changed and they could not ignore that. The physical distance between them was annoying, a couple of steps from one another felt too far compared to how things used to be.

Taeil felt even more sorry now that he could see in Taeyong’s face how much his actions had hurt him. Still the younger tried to smile, encouraging his friend to say what he had walked all the way from his house in the middle of the night to say. The elder wondered if he even deserved all that kindness but realized it didn’t matter because, deserving or not, he was given the chance to speak and shouldn’t miss it.

“First of all, I’m sorry,” Taeil said slowly, trying to make sense of his own words before speaking. “For what I did this afternoon, for leaving you there. I was a jerk and it’s fine if you don’t want to be my friend anymore.”

The soon to be high school senior had his hands on his back and brows furrowed in concern, the last and only time Taeyong saw him looking like that was when his grandmother had a surgery two years ago.

“I won’t say it’s okay because it's not,” Taeyong replied, voice especially soft on an attempt to make his words sound softer too. “But it happens. You’re here and you apologized, you know you screwed up, this is what matters to me. And for you to promise me you won’t hurt me like this again.”

A smile blossomed on Taeil’s face, relief spreading all over his body, changing his posture and his worried facial expression into a more relaxed and happier one. He took one step closer before replying. “I promise.”

“Good,” the other boy responded, smiling back. “Do something like this again and I’ll kill you.”

They both laughed in unison just like they always did, minds and bodies always in synch. It was natural like breathing and maybe that’s why it took Taeil so long to realize what he truly felt. Because love had been around since the very beginning and he was completely used to it, mistook it for friendship and care -- which were also always there, but they had company. Friendship and care were the ground where love rooted and flourished and maybe now it was time to harvest its fruits, with the full moon as witness.

“I have something else to say.” Taeil spoke before he lost courage. Taeyong tilted his head to the side, confused. Not that he wasn’t wishing for something else, but he wasn’t really expecting it, things were already good as they were now. In silence, he watched as his best friend took one step forward.       

“Please,” the elder spoke again. “Let me just-- I have to say this now. Okay? You can pretend it never happened after I finish, if you want. Okay?” He looked at the blond boy with his eyes full of hope, waiting for a reply. Incapable of saying a word, Taeyong nodded, breathing irregularly.

“I’ve been lying to myself for too long and my mom always said this was the worst kind of lie,” Taeil said, voice and body shaking. “You’ve been my best friend since you were born and sometimes I believe we’re friends from another life, you know? And I thought I had never been in love, so I didn’t understand some-- some _feelings_ I had for you. I thought I was just afraid of losing my best friend, or that maybe I just found you gorgeous,” he chuckled. “But everyone finds you gorgeous, I mean, that’s what you are. But there is this thing here,” Taeil pointed at his own chest, right where he believed his heart was supposed to be according to his biology classes. “I feel it ache and sting when I think about you with someone else. And when I think about being away from you. I mean. You’re the one obsessed with romcoms, so I’m asking you because you probably know better than me but I have a feeling that I might, you know, be in love with you or something.”

Less than a second before he finished talking, Taeil saw Taeyong’s figure basically flying towards him, closing the small distance between them, arms completely wrapped around his silhouette. The younger threw himself against his best friend with such force that they landed on the floor with a thud, his body against Taeil’s and it probably would hurt later but right now all he felt was happiness. The boys laughed when they hit the floor but things got serious quickly when they realized just how close they were. Their hearts thundered against their chests, so loud it was all they could hear, like they sang a song of their own.

“Forget what happened this afternoon,” Taeyong said, his voice breathy as it could get. “I want this to be my first kiss.”

This time was nothing like the time before. When their lips collided, it didn’t feel weird or awkward, it felt _right._ Taeil embraced Taeyong’s delicate figure, enjoying every second of that moment. And just like everything else about those two, their kiss was completely in synch; mouths and tongues moved like they were old friends, completely familiar to each other. At the same time, every sensation was new to both of them and it was impossible not to smile and not to shiver. This was the first kiss Taeyong and Taeil’s history deserved, after all.

“What if I want to be not only your first kiss, but your only kiss ever?” the brunette said between the pecks Taeyong was placing all over his face.

“Well,” Taeyong said, still kissing Taeil wherever he could reach. “If you didn’t want to be my only kiss ever after all this, I’d assume there’s something really wrong with you.”

Smiling, Taeil pushed Taeyong away just a little bit, trying to get a better look at the latter’s face. “Is that a yes?”

Taeyong's smile grew wider, a smile Taeil thought he had never seen before. Maybe this smile was reserved for him only, for this kind of situation that was so new to them. And then he nodded, confirming that now they were also boyfriends. And still best friends. And maybe soulmates or even partners in crime, who knows? Summer was just beginning and graduation was too small of an obstacle to get in their way. They still had all year to figure things out. In fact, they had a whole life ahead of them -- growing up couldn’t possibly be so hard, at least not if they got to do it together.

 

**Author's Note:**

> thank you and i'm sorry! hope you enjoyed it. <3


End file.
